Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize