We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
