i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
