It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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