billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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