Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
