Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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