Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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