At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
a search helicopter?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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