Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
