If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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