Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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