OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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