guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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