You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
