im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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