3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
