you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
