At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize