I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
