These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i now understand why vodka
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
