Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
