I accidentally burped into my bong.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
