Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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