Where is the hickey?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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