We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize