Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
