Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
