I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
