ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
