Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
