Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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