You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
