We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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