You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My bed smells like the plague
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
