we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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