Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
