mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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