Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
