you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
