No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
too bad you live with your parents still
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
