I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize