Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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