Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
