I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
