im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
