1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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