Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
