ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
