Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
