I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
