i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
