dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
