i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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