So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize