I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
