turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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