I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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