why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My ass is underappreciated
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
