He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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