shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
