what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
