I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
