I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
