I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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