i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
