Nicole vs. Life
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
