margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
