Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
