I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
