when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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