and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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